i don’t know how it happened, but i’m loosening up on a long-held conviction of mine regarding whether or not other beings are allowed to occupy my womb: i am kinda okay with the idea of having kids now.
i’m positive it has something to do with my age. a lot of my friends are either married or have kids (some both, obviously). i swore up and down that i would never get married because it is a pointless and unfair institution, but i have also secretly chosen a wedding dress (boatneck, tea-length, 3/4 sleeve in an ivory brocade—basically my grandmother’s wedding dress). likewise, i am becoming more open to the idea of having children. in the last few months i have become painfully aware of the fact that i am now in my late twenties. people in their late twenties are old enough, and usually mature enough, to have children. i’m now semi-okay with the idea of having children. mostly, i’m excited to take little people to hockey games and watch them get excited, teach them how to love sports and music and art, and train them to impress my friends by using big words.
generally i am a pretty mothering person. i am always the one trying to feed my friends, make sure they’re doing okay or happy or checking in to see if they need anything. i carry a huge purse full of anything anyone could possibly need (it generally provides tylenol, advil, and instant coffee to those in need). tonight i went to a hockey game with a friend, and knowing he wouldn’t pick up any napkins, i grabbed a few and shoved them into my right-side pocket. a few minutes into the first period, my friend meekly asked if i had any napkins and i pulled them out of my pocket (on the side he was sitting) and handed them to him. with that, i announced that someday my preparedness would someday make some little boy feel really lucky to have a mom like me. i’m basically a boy scout, let’s be honest.
in addition, i’ve always known i would want boys and not girls (my womb = china, pretty much) and that was confirmed when, at 3am, i took an aerial tour of san jose via google earth on my iPad. i checked out a bunch of schools in my area and decided that bellarmine’s campus was far better than presentation’s (the private girl’s high school to which i applied). based on my aerial tour, the knowledge that i have met at least three bellarmine alumni that are perfect gentlemen, and that pres girls tend to get pregnant and/or be sluts, i have confirmed that i would only be having boys and that they would go to bellarmine. unless, of course, i lived in canada. then i don’t care where they go cos i’m sure regular schools in canada are better than public schools in california.
there’s still a lot i’m wary about: the fact that you can’t have coffee or alcohol for nine months (although, let’s face it–a few sips of cider is not gonna make your baby have a mushy brain), that you can’t take hot baths during that time (just learned this one! such a lame requirement—apparently you can raise your core temperature to an unhealthy level for your cooking fetus), and the fact that once you’re pregnant, friends and strangers will feel entitled to touch you. i’d skip those ugly maternity shirts that say “future sharks fan” on the tummy and go right to a custom “touch my belly and i will stab you” one. i also hate plastic toys, loud noises, children’s television programmes (aside from sesame street, which is an essential element of childhood), other moms, bad or cheesy books, children’s movies (i swear to god, i will raise the only kids on the planet who beg for me to put “being john malkovich” in the DVD player), and uh…sacrificing my own life and needs.
that’s the hard part. mama loves her spare time, her quiet time, her hockey time, and uh…not needing to worry about anyone else. maybe the rest of that comes in time, too?